Procrastination, the 21st Century modus operandi of the majority of millennials according to broad assumptions made by me.
When I found out what procrastination meant for the first time, I gasped, and probably said “THAT’S ME!??! THERE’S A WORD FOR IT?” I’m probably misquoting what I actually said or thought, but it went something like that. All my life was boiled down to one word: procrastination. Ah, what a sweet delight to find out what word describes you. Like those quotes you put up on Instagram with its meaning underneath because it makes you sound smarter than you are “Look, everybody, I’m smart!”
I don’t know when I started procrastinating for the first time. Maybe it was that one time I said I was going to do it, but got very distracted, and said I was going to do it later on. “Later” the magic word that triggers a slippery slope effect. I say “later” and then it’s downhill from there; I probably won’t do it or I might do it, but very last minute.
I’d like to blame it on school. It was probably how the school system was designed, the deadlines were too close to each other, we didn’t have enough time, etc. But it probably wasn’t my school’s fault entirely. Maybe it was the way I was raised. I was never taught to be structured, keep a calendar, divide my activities into time slots; I was just being… Mmm. Maybe it wasn’t that either. I was just born lazy! That’s it! Or it’s just a mix of everything.
The more I think of it, I believe behind my procrastination lies something else: low self-esteem. Woah, how did we get here so quickly? It’s Edda again being vulnerable on the internet about how much she didn’t believe in herself. WELL, IT HAPPENS OK?! It needed to be said.
Why low self-esteem? You may ask. Well, because if I had a healthy self-esteem I wouldn’t be doubting my skills, capabilities, my worth, my writing, my thoughts, my opinions, my actions, my intelligence, and so on. All of these stops me on my tracks. It makes me go “If it’s not going to be perfect, why do it?” or “But what would people think of it?” or “What if it isn’t good enough?”
“Good enough” for who? Who am I playing this character for? Who am I acting for? Why am I trying to impress someone? It’s all bs at the end because no one really cares. Everyone’s caught up in their own world with issues of their own. So why am I still thinking about everyone else? Ugh.
The worst part of it all, is I know deep inside I’m good enough, I’m talented, I’m *genuinely* a quick learner which is a double edge sword, because I learn things quickly, I leave things to the last minute BECAUSE I know I can do it. I know I can do it, but why don’t I believe it? It doesn’t even make sense.
Finding your worth it’s a long complicated journey. It’s a fight I daily battle and it’s the reason why things don’t work out sometimes. Some of my goals have been affected because of procrastination and it sucks. The only way to actually combat it it’s to do the damn thing without thinking too much.
I can say now, with pride, that I have changed. I am far from perfect but I have become more structured in my life. I have embraced what works and confronted what doesn’t. Everyday, I’m more self-aware of what’s stopping me from doing something, and it’s not laziness, it’s low self-esteem. The more I work on my self-esteem, the better I perform.
Find out if you are procrastinating too much and ask yourself “Is it laziness?” “Do I want this?” “Am I doing this for somebody else?” These questions will help you determine why you really are procrastinating. Maybe, you’re just like me, you don’t think you’re capable of doing it or you’re afraid of everybody else’s opinion.
Here’s what I know: when you stop procrastinating and do whatever you needed to do you feel incredible, satisfied, proud and then you realize it wasn’t that bad after all.